noonelistens

wierd

2005-10-17T03:24:00.000-07:00

sigh. i feel wierd and scared.getting back a-maths tmr and i am DEAD scared.wait, scared wld be a terrible understatement.i am TERRIFIED.no, more than that.sigh.if i fail, i'm so gonna punish myself severely.as if my family's punishments and words wont be enough.i'm shivering, my teeth are chattering.i sit atop a tower of misery. sigh. this blog is lyk, so dead. no one comes here. it's empty and gathering more dust mites and their shit, also known as dust. it's has become haunted and scary. no one dares to bypass the gates, once majestic, but now, overgrown weeds twine around the beautifully handcrafted iron gates. sigh. cobwebs hang everywhere and floorboards creak under my feet.sigh.sigh.sigh.i feel really wierd.

Spirit

2005-09-16T04:54:00.000-07:00

sigh.had chess club today.ended at 4pm and i was watching the inter-class btwn s3 and g1 and g2 and g3.Even though s3 lost, what struck me most about them was their class spirit. They were so united. i almost yearned to be in s3. I was genuinely jealous.
Look at mine. No one went to support our class when they played. And they also would not have been happy if we had gone to support. They probably would have made fun of us. That is the problem with s2. No one has class spirit.ppl have clique spirit, but when it comes to class no one looks past differences.
It really worries me. I have class sprit and encouragement to give, but no one at the recieving end. Coming frm such a united class as 2s2, it is really annoying to see 3s2 with no spirit.
I really dunno why ppl have hatred in their minds. I mean, one would rather be on gd terms with a person they're gg to be stuck with for 2 whole yrs than waste time and energy trying to find diff ways to hate and make fun of them. It is only common sense and many do not realise it. sigh, i wonder where the common sense gene in evrybody went to.
Ppl nowadays have become so unforgiving and bad, it is really worrying. ppl nowadays have really lost the zest of life. blame the tchrs for giving you, hw, but ppl like carol still manage to remain cheerful. How is it??
god, ppl should really learn a thing or two from the textbk of humanity and morals and civics.sigh.it's really depressing to walk on the streets and see evrybody so hostile and unsmiling. ppl are so rude. it really feels gd to be smiled at by anyone, a small baby, an old man, a motorist, even the beggar lady near my house. it gives a feeling of warmth inside and makes you feel as though your day has been well spent and tt ppl appreciate what you do.
i dont understand humans. we are wierd creatures. sigh.

ugh

2005-08-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

this is stupid. I haven't updated in years. no time.sry. listening to untitled at the moment and singing and crying along. Mum just told lots of things abt her life and some others' which makes me wanna cry. sigh. They are too personal to say here, but they are tragedies and they are tremendously sad.
Watched Sliding Doors during physics cuz tty was absent.yayy. the later the moment of truth the better.sigh. it was wonderful, and gwyneth paltrow looked Gorgeous. sigh. Mtl orals today and saw my marks-i always do. It's either 22/30 or 27/30.sigh
ugh....i gtg.really.bye everybody.

DRUGGED.

2005-06-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

sigh.i dunno what's wrong with me nowadays.seriously.i mean, i sleep 11 hours a day!! i, who used to sleep for only 7 hrs, am now sleeping 11 HOURS!!! this is really serious. maybe i got drugged or smthg. wtvr. anw......i dun feel high or anything, but i just can't open my eyes after only 7 hours of sleep. maybe this is my body's way of catching up on beauty sleep lost. haha.
And i've been becoming so irritable, i get irritated with myself.yeah.i bet emil wld say that it's typically bhuva.haha.ugh. wat the hell is wrong with me??

HEADACHES!!

2005-06-11T04:55:00.000-07:00

Holidays are supposed to be enjoyable, aren't they? Well, only if you're allowed space to think. I have no independence to even think for myself. Sometimes, they remind me of Peter stockmann.(" So young and you've got opnions already.")
Opinions are supposed to be good for brain growth(Atleast i think so.) but here, opinions are the worst crime imaginable. To have your own opinion is to rebel. To voice your justice is to talk back. You're supposed to follow whatever they say BLINDLY. If you don't, you're a CRIMINAL.
If you say, " prefer this one.", you're as good as a murderer.
Wow. life is just so wonderful. With EVERYBODY breathing down your neck, observing your every move, reprimanding EVERYTHING you say or do. No freedom to move or even BLINK. If you say that you can't be like that, they say, " Your ancestors(unoewatimean) did that and you're supposed to be an exact CLONE." Don't they know that human cloning is banned? (yes, i noe i'm lame.)
Laser scanners have starterd observing. HEADACHE.MIGRAINE. GOT TO GO.

BACK!!

2005-05-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

yayy.i'm back from obs.it was really fun and ther were many benfits as well as drawbacks.

GOOD:

pimples diasappeared.(salt water dehydrated my face)

More muscles.

stomach flatter

thighs more toned.

LEARNT TO KAYAK!!!

BAD:

Skin peeling off nose.

black like a shrivelled prune.

skin very dry

hair back to rough, jute-like texture.

MOZZIE BITES!!

I am so addicted to kayaking after my sea expedition.It's like, i have this real urge to jump into any kayak i see and paddle off.haha.I LOVE my sea expedition.so much better than land at any rate.even though it dries my skin, i love the feeling of cold sea water oozing down my head and neck under the hot sun. bad thing was, i lost my beautiful deep purple towel at sea. during the duration of the expedition, i kept wetting the towel and sqeezing the water down my body.it was a wonderful experience and i think everyone should be allowed it atleast once.i pity the land expedition ppl.(smirks) haha.

I really wanna go for kayaking lessons, but my parents don't seem to allow me.They say it would spoil my complexion and my hair.(Like it's not spoilt already).sigh.

all in all, i think OBS ROCKS!!!

haha. i wanna go for the 9-day course when i'm older.not to long and not too short.Just perfect.

haha

2005-05-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

lalala.i'm so happy.EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!HAHAHA

haha.i lyk this better.ya.haha.

btw...i think i'll make a record now by writing the longest entry ever writtten in a blog by anyone.yayy.haha.let's start with my feelings frm monday.

MONDAY

lit.bio.wat's more to kill a person??memorise lyk mad.in the end, the paper SUCKS, big time.ugh.ugh.ugh.and wat's more,i felt so angry with everybody the whole day.felt lyk killing every person i met.i drank 7 cups of coffee.and walked three bus stops cuz i felt bored waiting for the bus.actually, i wld haf walked all the way if the bus had not come when i just reached the 3rd bus stop.cuz i LOVE walking.i mean, seriously.especially arnd my neighbourhood after 11pm.it's so lonely and quiet.

perfect environment to think and reflect.actually, nowadays, i lyk to be alone and quiet.i'd seriously love to go to the beach at sunset all alone and sit and look at the sea, but THAT BLESSED MOTHER OF MINE WOULDN'T LET ME.how nice.it's a free world and a per son can't even get the privacy to think.ugh.i dunno why, but nowadays i really feel anti-social and angry with everyone.dunno why.maybe it's tt caffeine addiction of mine.haha.

nowadays, i want to be left ALL ALONE.it feels so nice be all alone, to know tt u haf no obligations.to know tt u dun haf to ans anyone.to know tt u dun haf to talk to anyone and listen to watever they say.sigh...it's pure heaven,being alone.

it's so silent and silence is indeed golden.

SIGH.

TUESDAY

sigh.emaths and history.another killer combination.they shld haf a course on how to organise an exam time table,these teachers.do they realise how it kills to practice maths and at the same time, memorise tons of facts abt hitler and stalin and league of nations....yadayadayada.ugh.

mths was ok and i'm gonna fail hist.it's really bad.shit.igtg.bye.

multi tasking

2005-05-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS!

sigh.nvr update for so long. and here i am updatin when i shld be studying.sigh.didn't go to sch firstly cuz it's a useless day and secondly cuz i am scared of ms neo.i still haven't shown her my hist file and collected my testpaper. supposed to haf done tt lyk, one wk ago.and today got hist and i'm too scared to face her.haha.no, scared wld be an UNDERSTATEMENT.i think i'm TERRIFIED.haha.actually, i didn't see her last wk cuz i lost my whole file and forgot to photocopy the lost ws frm someone.i tot i'd do it another day and then i eventually 4got.so now, everytime i see her, i hide.haha.
i'm multi tasking now.yayy.i'm typing chem notes, gg to mlg to get worked solutions to all the mye papers, blogging and drying my long, black tresses.haha.quite a handful eh?well, i've got the TALENT.haha.wtvr.i'm so boastful.and i'm getting to be so damn vain.everyday, i look in the mirror, comb my eyebrows into perfect shape, see tt my eyelashes are not all clumped together,make sure my lips are well moisturised, cleanse, tone and moisturise my face before gg to sch and i guess tt's why i'm always late.haha.well, it all pays off, actually cuz my skin is becoming almost perfect and i have more ppl looking my way.haha.lyk tt bus guy.haha.anw..gtg,

FAREWELL.

sigh

2005-04-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

sigh.i'm so angry and irritated.dunno why.wierd eh?i mean, i always cannot describe why i feelthe way i do.sigh.i just feel scared and angry for no reason at all. maybe it's intution.maybe smthg's gonna happen to me tonight or tmr.sigh. i wonder what.
or maybe it's cuz of pms.sigh.wtvr.ugh.
i really love to talk abt emotions and feelings and psychology, but ppl dun seem to lyk it.whenever i talk abt anything, ppl just nod and grunt and say ya, but i can really tell that they dun get it frm my pt of view.sigh.but why?isn't there a single human being out there who shares the same feelings, worries and fears?sigh.wish i had a twin.it wld be so much easier.she wld really understand me and not question my feelings cuz she feels the same way abt things as i do.
sigh.english exam today.i really love the compo i wrote.i took up the topic CHARITY and wrote abt this gal named charity.actually, when i looked at the title, the first thing tt came o my mind was, faith hope and charity.haha.
anw.. my story was abt this 10 yr old gal who itnessed her dad murdering her mom.when confronted, he threatened to kill her.then he used to bring home many women, make love to them b4 killing them to drink their blood. he also raped his own daughter and drank some blood frm her wrist.haha.then he burned the whole hse with himself and the gal.
so ironic.the name charity sounds so happy, but the story is so depressing.i bet when emil reads this, she will say tt it's typically very bhuva.haha.i bet.
anw.. i got really wet in the rain this morn.i was stuck @ tanglin rd outside the brunei embassy for half an hr.frm arnt 7.05 to 7.30. and then when i got off, i had no umbrella and had to share one with two other gals and half of me was drenching wet while the other was like damn dry.ugh.i went to the toilet and dried my shirt at the hand dryer.haha.

OH GOD!!!

2005-04-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

Today, i had to lug all the books under my table home. Actually after recess, Kai Xian told me and Triveni to follow her to the printing lady to get cardboard boxes. To our dismay, she had no more boxes to spare. We went to the bookshop and saw EXACTLY three boxes.Then Triveni bought masking tape.In class, i taped my box and dumped all my bks in it.It was oh-so-heavy. i was practically crawling to the bus stop. Thn frm there i called home to my mom and told her to wait at the gate to pay for the cab i took home and to help me with my load. Then by the time i got into the cab, i was so tired frm carrying the box. actually, after i got off the cab, i was really tempted to leave the box in the cab accidentally on purpose to save the bother of carrying it up.i didn't cuz then i wld have to buy new bks if the next passenger saw the bks and decided to give it to their nephew or smthg. tt wld be BAD. i'd have to spend 200+ bucks on bks alone. TT wld be bad.sighsigh.arm aching lyk mad now.cant wait for tmr.i can finally WRITE A COMPO!!!!actually i write lots of em, but i can't give them all to the teacher to mark cuz then ppl wld think tt i suck up or smthg. haha. actually i shld have signed up for consultation with an author early in the yr when mr m announced it. i didnt cuz my parents told me tt i had to concentrate on studies as i was taking 2 maths.sighsigh.and g2 is moving to s3's current class and vice versa. wat more gd news can there be??Anymore gd news to add to my long list of depressing thing??sighsigh.anw...gtg and practice for my performance.*wink8 i need to look and sound gd.haha.

sigh

2005-04-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

hello.sigh.anw...i can't believe i wrote tt weak sounding entry two days ago.god!i'm not tt weak.sigh.i was angry.but now i dun give a damn anymore.
doing my june 2000 compre for mrs ow.this is wat i call dull drudgery.sigh.god.exams coming up and i havent touched my bks.i cant bring myself to.sigh.they look so new and nice and i dun wanna spoil their beauty.ok. well, i have doodled on every page.so i guess studying won't do harm.haha.but everytime i sit down to study, i end up day-dreaming abt you-know-what and you-know-who and then i get lost in my own fantasy world.
dad tells me to focus and draw up time tables but i just cant follow them.i'm SO not left-brained lyk him and my sis.ugh.I JUST CANT FOCUS!!!!
god.someone help me.i'm drowning with all the work.i wish i cld run away to a deserted island and spend the rest of my life doodling on the sand and thinking up plots and poems and daydream.sigh.
and nowadays i feel so sleepy in class and i try my best not to sleep by staring glassy-eyed at the teacher while i day dream.and wat happens? they CALL ON ME!!!ugh.why me?why this dreamy, idiotic girl out of 41 ppl???ugh.
now ppl are saying i crush on mr loh.wat the heck.i just find it fun to torment him, tt's all.and i just try to make his boring classes fun.is tt a sin?ugh.sigh.
btw...i will be taking part in a GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS FEAT!!!!!as in, this mridangam(indian drums) teacher will be doing the feat.40 hrs of performance. and i'll be singing for it! not 40 whole hrs, cuz all the students have slots to perform and i'll be singing three pieces.it's the three of us actually, but i'm the loudest.yayy.i love to perform.
and the best part is...i geta cert to show tt i participated in this!! and PRAHLAD will be there.i'll sing for him!!!sigh.pspspspspspspspspspspsps.maybe i shld study abt photosynthesis.cuz the shortform is ps.but i can't look at the word without smiling and day-dreaming and giggling.sigh.pspspspspspsp.PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

Yayy.

2005-04-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

hello.sigh.today was so funny.it is wani's b'dae tmr and me and don decided to write her a poem with a note and we wrote it for lyk....6 periods!and then, at arnd 1.57...don still hadn't finished her note and we told shi ping and pamela to distract her while i urged her to finish the note.then, just as wani was stepping out of the class, i was rolling up the paper.shi ping snatched it and waved it frantically over her head and the 4 of us screamed wani's name and she looked so puzzled.she tot it was some sort of trick.her face was so hilarious and i ROARED with laughter, hitting the table so hard, EVERYONE tot i was CRAZY.hahaha.
btw...mr m mentioned me when teaching g1.he was talking abt argumentative essays and said "bhuva wld be good in it as she argues for EVERYTHING."wtvr.he's so crazy.haha.anw..priscilla bought a bright red lacy bra with lots of embroidary for wani's b'dae.it was sizeB74!! tt's like so big!!ok...not tt big.but still.haha.wani turned the same colour as the bra when she saw it.haha.it was so hilarious.sigh.got so much to do.TWO eng compre,a-maths misc4,tut hw,studybio,e-maths, a-math...ok...practically ALL the subjects.sigh.i always draw up such organised timetables...and spend HRS decorating them, but NVR get round to actually following them.haha.such a waste of my talents.sigh
ok...i'd better go...and i'm SO happy.i'm sitting with don frm now on.she'so damn nice.yayy.

poem

2005-04-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

MY SILENT DWELLING.
MY VERY OWN SPACE.
A PLACE TO THINK, A PLACE TO CRY,
A PLACE WHERE MY EMOTIONS WILL NEVER DIE.
OUTSIDE MY DWELLING, I'M EMPTY.
SOUL-LESS AND EMOTIONLESS,
MORE LIKE A ZOMBIE.
DON'T THINK AND DON'T CRY.
OBLIVIOUS TO WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND ME.
PUTTING ON A FALSE FRONT, A FACADE.
THINKING I'LL NEVER BE BOTHERED----
I'M WRONG
BETRAYERS AND BACKSTABBERS,
SURROUND ME, ENGULF ME---SUFFOCATES
I CAN'T STOP MYSELF.
EMOTIONS FLOW.

~bhuva(200405)

sigh, this sums up all my feelings.so appropriate.i noe it's not nice.

some ppl...

2005-04-20T04:13:00.000-07:00

sigh.just another boring, toturous day.now they're doing smth else.qinya's calling herself bhuva and i am called qinya.wat the heck.it's so annoying.i mean, i did not do anything except come to this class and all sorts of things are happening to me.ppl who i dun even know talk abt me.ppl who i tot were nice are not at all nice.ugh.i mean, what did i do to deserve this??seriously, WHAT DID I DO???sigh.i seriously hate them.actually, after the spray incident, when farrah aplogised, i tot she became nice.so i just forgave and forgot IMMEDIATELY.i did not hold a grudge. i talked to her normally.little did i noe tt she wrote all sorts of things abt me to her friends and they started hating me and talking abt me behind my back.when i learnt abt it, i was devastated.still, i forgave and tot, i will be nice to her since she was nice to me to my face.then hanizah told me tt evn a shirt size 17 will not fit me and i was terribly hurt.but i still forgave cuz i tot that everyone has a nice side to them.now, i noe tt they still make fun of me behind my back.it hurts to noe, but i dun want to say anything back cuz i dun want to hurt their feelings.
now i feel tt ppl take advantage of me cuz i forgive easily and i am patient.i nvr hold grudges.my policy is tt i shld be nice to everyone regardless of how they are.i believe tt every individual is beautiful inside and tt even the baddest have a soft side to them.
maybe i shld stop being so nice, but u noe, it hurts me to hurt ppl.really.i feel so guilty and then later i will cry and not forgive myself for a long time for hurting their feelings.i guess tt's why ppl think i am a weakling and they take advantage of me.they do not realise how it hurts inside.whenever they pass crude remarks and hurtful comments, my heart bleeds.reall, it does.do ppl realise tt their words make me cry EVERYDAY??
now i regret doing all tt did last yr.i used to be so mean to sinthu and pavithra.i guess it's repravtion time now.sigh. i feel so bad abt it now.i really wish i cld go back in time to 2s2.i miss the laughter, the fun.i am really bad at adapting to changes.i dunno why i nvr cried on the last day of sch last yr, cuz i cry everyday now.i miss my friends and i feel hurt by my classmtes.

Ijustdontgetit

2005-04-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

somtimes people act in the strangest ways and i just don't get it.i mean....1 moment they are nice and the next they are nasty.ppl who i thought were nice turn nasty and vice versa.god.this is a complicated world. i mean....i just can't seem to understand the human mind(even mine) sometimes and it just drives me crazy. maybe tt's why i want to take up psychology. so tt i can understand the human mind.sigh.
anw..we did the 2.4 today and i feel irritated with myself. i mean...i ran three rounds in 13.2 mins and then at the 3/4 round, i felt lyk vomiting and was practically retching already,so i stopped.then i didn't feel lyk vomiting anymore, but rested for a couple of mins or so and then when i ended, i got 19.4 mins.failed

QUIZZZZZ

2005-04-17T02:02:00.000-07:00

SUPER IQ TEST:Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.The way you think about things makes you an Information Organizer. This means you have an eye for detail. You can scan a page and find the one mistake on it. You're also able to organize things in a way that makes sense and arrange information so that it is easier to understand. This makes you a very valuable resource for others who aren't organized or who have trouble catching their own mistakes. It's often difficult for traditional intelligence tests to pick up your particular set of abilities because the talent of organizing information and spotting inconsistencies is much harder to measure than other abilities.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of an Information Organizer? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you an Information Organizer. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.

This is so damn cool.i'm like, whoa.I am unique.yayy.

hey

2005-04-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

sigh.finally started a new blog.hope i dun abandon it lyk my last one.i noe i've got no time to maintain.....but anw... i just wanted an outlet.yeah.i think i will not have any tagboard for now.sigh.maybe after exams, i can take an active part in tagging.